i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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