p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
