Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
