hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
as a side note pls kill me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
