nut hugger
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
