I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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