Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
