Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
