I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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