I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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