I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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