Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
