I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
