yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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