ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
