Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
