you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
