I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
