you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
