I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
