fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
