she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
