so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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