Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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