Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
