i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
