i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
