Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
