Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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