i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
