Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
