how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
