so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
