Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
