Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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