i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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