Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
