It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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