There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
