My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
