i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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