I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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