My Higher Power is John Stamos
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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