i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
