Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
