So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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