I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
