dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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