Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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