I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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