Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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