i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
