thus making me awesome and them whores
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She announced her abortion via fbk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
